The DJ Got Us Falling in Love (For Tonight Only).

"What shall we use

To fill the empty spaces"- Pink Floyd

You probably remember the good social times you had rather than the laborious time you spent studying. If you didn't party in college – you missed a pretty big chunk of the point. I probably can't argue advanced microeconomic theory with you but I can tell you my idea of a great party. It takes place at someone's house. I love that welcoming feeling. I want people to be able to grab what they want and enjoy as much of it as you want. Then there' lots of social games going on – people paying pong, playing "Never have I ever", playing King's Cup, playing pool – you name it. This is a time to play and the Milton Brothers have nothing on us.

So when I grew up (also known as "graduating"), I had to go to grown-up parties. This transition blew my mind. I waited my whole life to grow up and once I get a glimpse, it's filled with nothing but brainwashed, douchey, boring assholes. I guess that's what happens when you go to a club. I hate clubs because they are the factories that produce and encourage aforementioned hated behavior. Let's look at the top 5 things and why they contribute to my hatred of the night club.

1. Babe Slinger – These douche-bags like to think of their girls, dates, and/or escorts as trophies. I can't stand that shit. They're the people who can remain silent and say "me and my companion are shallow snobs because we're going to enter and take up your oxygen and just look hawt and sexy". They're usually wearing blazers with lots of ugly artwork. They have small balls because they probably juice and are too scared to get real tattoos (or lack commitment). Many times, their babes are attached to them by some imaginary douche-glue.
   
   1. They have a sub-variety known as the Brainwashed Babe Slinger because they seem to have been brainwashed by MTV into thinking that Jersey Shore is cool. They laugh with the guidos, not at them. These Slingers resemble trashy, extraordinary gym rats with even "hawter and sexier" babes and lots of gel in their hair.
      
2. The Future Winklevii – Like Cameron and Tyler Winklevoss, they love to brag about their above-average stature and physique. They just stand there as ogling giants, doing and saying whatever drunk, competitive, white people like to do and it's twice as annoying because they travel in pairs.
   
3. Grampa Creeps – This guy is way too old to be at a club. He belongs at a car dealership either buying a midlife crisis car or trying to sell one so he can get out of his own. Usually dressed in what was cool at least 3 seasons ago, is balding naturally and on schedule, and has leathery skin. When the DJ plays Gun N' Roses – it's for this guy.
   
4. The White Guy – who is wearing a fedora. He's probably gay.
   
5. The Mannequin – This person is a prototype. He or she is going to be dressed like a mannequin. Sometimes they fit in and represent the LA scene for what it is or they do a great job of reflecting their personality which is a reflection of their city. That's great but it's also rare. There's the person who seems to be dressed as if he's in a Boston pub or a New York hipster club or as an H&M mannequin.
   
6. The Tease – this person can be a girl who wants a drink from you or the guy who wants to buy you a drink (but only for tonight). Girls who make a business out of teasing drinks from guys who don't fall in the above categories are just heartless. I don't want to be in your company because I may not get along with the rest of your personality and I'm pretty sure of it. And if you're a guy who thinks he can get to a girl's bed through a couple of drinks, well, if you're stupid enough to believe that, it won't happen and you deserve for it to happen to you. And if you're successful - you can do much better than that girl.
   
   1. Point of Advice: leave the tease if she is in any way with or associated with The Buzzkiller.
      

People should never have to pay for a good time. It should come naturally. A club is just the epitome of egos mixing with testosterone (which give birth to more egos) and then there's the stench of sweaty sluttiness that's floating around somewhere in the corner. It's a cesspool of everything that is bad for society cramped into one alcohol lubricated Machine.

On a positive note, clubs have really nice bathrooms. And it serves as a great holding pen for those kinds of people so you know where to avoid them. If you're a PUA, the club is all you with only your imagination to stop you. The object of your game is to get something good by 2 am, because let's face it: nothing good ever starts to happen after 2 am.

Whatever you do, however you do it – time is never lost when invested in the company of those you love.